PLA Story - Yearning Heartache

 

The main participant in this archetypal framework will be referred to as E. He is well familiar with past life therapy and had already processed some archetypes in the past. In this framework, he has been pulled together with another person with whom he has had a past life and therefore had a soul-contract to carry out. This other person we will refer to as F. As F is absent in the actual therapeutic process, her side of the equation is more of an intelligent guesswork. The accuracy of the speculation is not too important to the healing of E, as will be seen later.

E had had these feelings since he was about ten years old. How the first of these feelings arose is now described. Once he was a passenger in a car with his family (father, mother and two sisters). They are on a narrow road and have to crawl past a car travelling in the opposite direction. As they just past each other, his sister commented that she thought she saw a friend travelling in the other car. At that point a pang of feeling hits the ten year old E. It is a kind of yearning for another person at a very deep level, the focus of the person being the possible friend his sister mentioned. It is a strange and unfamiliar feeling that seems to have existed from a long time in the past. It is a powerful melancholic sensation. This sensation stays with E for almost a few days, initially tinting E’s emotional landscape totally and gradually fading away.

In the course of his life, E would occasionally get these “incidents” once every few years. They did not affect his everyday living, so he just accepted their occurrence as something that “just happened”. Then about ten years ago, in the course of his work, E meets a colleague who suggested buying him a drink for helping her out with a problem. This person is the one we mentioned as F. E was busy and had other things on his mind so thanked F and declined her offer. As he walked away from F he wondered if he had been too brusque to her. Then that familiar aching feeling of loss crept into his consciousness. It was a strange yearning to be with F as in “sharing a life together”. It was so strong, E turned round to call F back to allow her to interact with him again. But F had disappeared into the crowd. E forcefully refocused on the tasks he had pending and got on with the day. He did not see F again for a while after that.

Now a few years passed and E was at a final stage of completing an unrelated and rather traumatic past life framework. He had trouble and doubts about closing this other process and called on his discarnate guides and helpers to send him a sign that he was doing the right thing. That day he went to the local village shop for some provisions. He was queuing behind another customer with some items in his hand when he felt the need to look at the person in front. It was F. He took the time make sure he had the right person while F completed her purchase. He introduce himself and F slowly showed recognition and they had a chat and made a plan to meet at a cafe for a longer chat. That night, E determined that meeting F was a sign that his other work is completed and can be closed.

So E met up with F at a little cafe and they caught up with news from the few years they had not seen each other. Both F and E felt that it was a pleasant meeting and they mutually agreed to meet again. But as they neared the meeting date, F called it off. E was quite disappointed, slightly because he looked forward to the meeting but more strongly because the impression he had was that F had taken on another undertaking showing their planned meet to be of negligible importance to her. Anyway E forgot about it and lost touch with F for another year or so.

Over the course of the next few years, this pattern was repeated a handful of times. E and F would run across each other out of the blue, arranged a pleasant, newsy meeting and arranged for another one. F would then perfunctorily cancel this subsequent arrangement.

The last time this happened, E decided to get under this pattern to try and understand what it was all about. The universe seem to arrange for them to run into each other then it all fizzles out. So this time over lunch, instead of a light-hearted newsy chat, E mentioned the pattern and asked for F’s comment. F told him that it was just different unforeseen things came up and she was not cancelling their meets to downgrade their importance. Her explanations seemed perfectly plausible at the time. Anyway, another meeting was scheduled which F perhaps unsurprisingly, cancelled, and added that she was going away and was unavailable for an indefinite time.

Ok, we need to fill in a few other things that happened during this phase of events from E’s perspective. E was meditating on the meaning of it all before their lunch meeting, and was suddenly overwhelmed by a sense of tenderness and love for F and wanting to be with her as much as possible. This totally surprised him because in the past his only feelings towards F were nearly non-existent except perhaps an annoyance when she cancelled their rendezvous. The arrival of this powerful feeling was to him, evidence that some past life connection was at play. Then during lunch F described how starting from her father, she seemed to get abuse from the significant men in her life. The same thing happened with the father of her children, and that her present relationship is an abusive one too. These revelations shot a terrible pang of pain and even guilt in E and he so very much want to get F out of this situation. But he felt totally powerless to help her in any way.

And eventually when F cancelled their follow-on meeting and announced her unavailability for a foreseeable period, the old feeling of loss, heartache and extreme sadness hit him hard. He curled up with acute emotional pain and asked his guides for help and understanding. Their reply was the following past life story.

As far back as Hadra can remember, Irina was the only one that he enjoyed bedding with. Others would struggle, making it a battle before he could get his satisfaction. Some he had to beat so hard to subdue that he was halfway exhausted when he could take them. No, Irina simply let him take her with an occasional whimper if he had been too eager too fast. Over the years, Hadra got fonder and fonder of his little “friend” and got rid of all the others at the market place. He knew some men prefer to dominate their chattel with violence and never got complaints from the buyers.

Purchasing Irina was an event that was hazy in his memory as he was quite inebriated at the time. Maybe that affected his choice. Usually he was attracted by ones that had a slight look of defiance in their eyes. Irina had a soft shy demeanor and averted her eyes when you tried to meet them. Now he was glad that he was not sober on that day he visited the market.

Hadra worked as a merchant trading in quality cloth to retailers based more inland. This worked well as he lived by the harbour. He was very astute at his trade and could guess which boats will bring in the best value and could bid the right amount at the harbourside auctions a day before the boat docked. Then he would line up his list of retailers and send messages to them and wait for one to come back with the best offer. But things have been changing lately. A powerful retailer had moved in to form a syndicate of many retailers so that they had the power to hack down the prices merchants like Hadra can charge. His name was Jaman and merchants would lower their voice when he was mentioned.

One day Jaman announced that he would change the way he traded and would work with only one merchant at this harbour town. Each merchant would have to individually negotiate with him and only one would be chosen when he has seen them all. With a sense of panic, the merchants organised sumptuous meals for Jaman, over which they would they would try and reason why they should be chosen. Hadra had no choice but to follow suit - all his retailers had joined Jaman.

The fateful day arrived and Jaman arrived with his three secretaries to Hadra’s house. His turn was picked randomly and he was the sixth merchant to be seen out of the twelve at the harbour. Because of the abundance of the food arranged, all the household staff had to join in to serve the guests. Jaman lorded over all of the diners, boasting of his prowess at hunting and virility with women. He described the brutal and obscene way he liked to dominate the women that he owned. It was at this point that Irina came in to serve some items of sweetmeat and Jaman spotted her. He stopped mid-sentence and his eyes tracked her lewdly across the room. When Irina had left, he looked directly at Hadra and made him an offer. He would lift Hadra up the shortlist by three positions if he could have Irina. Hadra refused and said would prefer to be judged on his business acumen. But Jaman’s blood was up. He offered that Hadra need only stand against one other competing merchant if he gets the slave. Again Hadra refused as he had a good idea that he was possibly the best merchant around. Jaman’s face was now red with frustration and lust as he was used to getting his way in all his negotiations. His last offer was that if he did not get that little ****, he would write Hadra out of the running. On the other hand, meet his will and he would immediately choose Hadra as the town merchant to trade with.

Well, Hadra felt he had no choice but to agree to Jaman and he gave Irina away. At first, he just thought he would simply replace Irina with another one from the market, which he did. His business blossomed as he became one of the richest men in the harbour town. His colleagues and friends doubled in numbers as his popularity also grew. Then snippets of news of Irina drifted into his ears. How excessively cruel Jaman was to her.

Hadra ignored these snippets at first as he strutted proudly among the elite in society. But slowly, the ache of lost could no longer be ignored as it grew stronger. When he was alone, he found himself feeling really guilty and pined for his little Irina. Although in company Hadra acted in character as a very successful man, he was now internally an unhappy person. For the rest of his days, he regretted giving Irina away in that deal without realising how fond he was of her. He now had a permanent ache in his heart, a yearning that would in private, bring tears in his eyes.

As you might have worked out, Hadra’s story is E’s past life story and Irina’s is F's. As a guess, Jaman represents the man in F’s present abusive relationship.

It is pretty obvious that E’s present feelings are a leftover from that past life. It makes no sense in the context of the modern events to have such strong and painful emotions. His guilt is also self-explanatory when you looked at what Hadra did. All the feelings of the past life became live for him as he reconnected with the modern version of Irina. E wanted to remove F from her present day abusive relationship and to be with him as Hadra’s memories of pleasant times with Irina is very present in E.

What of Irina and F? As explained, F is not a participant to this post-story process and what follows is all intelligent speculation. Irina must have disliked having to be Hadra’s sexual servant but on hindsight, it must have seem like .. er .. pleasant compared to her terrible life with Jaman. One can only surmise that at her first meeting with E, F felt some kind of liking for him due to past life emotional memory of a not too unpleasant time with Hadra. Stockholm syndrome could be at play here also. Due to unconscious past life traumatic memory, F must have determined to be free at all cost in this life without understanding this strong need. And at an initial meetings with E, although pleasant enough, past life memories and fear of sexual enslavement rises up, one guesses. So subsequent meetings are cancelled due to this strong unexplained fear. And also due to this F keeps an escape route available, which is her way of getting away from what she feels is an impending imprisonment.

E must also from his past life energy aura, project his sexual needs on F and his desire for her to become entrapped in his household again. F will, for certain, pick up this energy projection and feel an urgency to run away.

So the emotional pain of this past life stays with E but he is now more easily able to cope with it. The sense of loss and longing will probably fade with time, as bringing the story to light will reduce its hidden power over him. Thoughts of longing for F will probably surface from time to time, but he said that his “takeaway” from all this experience is that through loving F/Irina, he is now closer to understanding and experiencing unconditional love. Now that is something worth having even if it means going through some painful healing. And certainly any future relationship he has will be that much more joyful and loving.